RE-do! Existence is Suffering

My luck is not to be believed....my bad luck that is. I'm retaking physics 2.....there is NO justice in this world....when I saw my grade I actually had to think to myself "So....gee, all that pointless shitty busy work he gave in class....all those days I dragged myself out of bed to attend lecture faithfully....all for NOTHING." This is exactly the same feeling I got last December, when my O.Chem grade came in.....jesus, is it possible for me to have a happy holiday just once. I can't stand it. Is there a point in going for medical school anymore, I mean, I doubt any successful applicant has the kind of track record for screwing up their grade during finals day like I do. My transcript reads like a eulogy..."She took O.chem.....bombed it..." So now I'm at home, and all that energetic drive to study for the MCATs is basically sapped out of me, I HATE the fact that I have to do physics over.....and a part of me, is quietly saying "If you back out of pre-med now...just think, you can drop calculus, you can drop GENETICS, you can drop O.chem 2, AND now Physucks 2." And believe me, its tempting.....actually if I were an island and nothing I did ever affected anyone, this choice would be so easy there would be no actually reflection time. I'd drop my courseload like I bad dream, and cruise through getting straight A's in a long list of elective classes for my undecided major. But no.....the sad reality that is my goddamn life stares back at me, mocking my daydream, pre-med is here to stay. The fact is, my parents have so little to be happy with in their lives....with my brother constantly putting them on edge about one thing or another, I'm their saving grace.
I was actually sort of looking forward to getting my grades, got an A in almost everything....and might've even done decently in human phys.....but of course, just like last year, my parents will scan all the way and incredulously explain "PHYSICS....what-....what? HOw are you going to get into medical school with these grades!"....cough, how indeed? I can't understand where my supposed drive to succeed and punish myself by taking four sciences next term is coming from.......did my parents just indoctrinate me with the "immigrant burden" so early on that its integrated into my personality....or am I leaning towards the Buddhist philosophy that existence is suffering, and hence I must do "penance" for bombing physics by being more miserable than I've ever been next semester.
I guess I'm kissing goodbye study abroad....there's no way they'll let me out of the country, probably say "You spend the summer making your application good.....pay attention to it, don't mess it up like...Physics." Yes....I actually think I loathe physics more than O.chem. What an utterly infuriating subject....freaking magnets, and repulsive forces, and figuring out useless things like how far an Eastern European woman will fall if her plane explodes! Why am I doing so badly? It wasn't even like I had an incredibly difficult term....and if I can't even manage to handle taking two sciences at the same time....how the FUCK am I going to deal with four?! ....I need to leave the country, maybe fake my own death or something, just to get away from it all. I'm really tired of studying, and tired of watching other people do whatever they want and me always having to sideline my wants and aspirations to chase my parents' half-baked version of the American Dream.
I'm just depressed.....this sucks.