Advisory: Keep all Blunt Objects Away. Except for the stapler..I need that.

     Why the hell am I updating this blog when I’m in the middle of finals hell, less than 48 hours away from getting totally owned by Vertebrate Morphology? Because I’m crazy, hormonal, burned out, and I cease to find it odd anymore to crawl out of bed at 3pm because I spent an obscene amount of time writing a nonsensical blog entry, when I should be out there salvaging what’s left of my grade.

But I have a crisis of sorts. In the past 3 years, having been enslaved by the gods of Academia, I have had a slew of choice study locations. No, they weren’t perfect, but they were MINE damnit, and now each and every one of these has been forcibly taken from me. So, because I really have nothing better to write about, I will pen a tribute to my former flames… chronologically.

Freshman Year: I…actually don’t remember studying this year. Only something about a mentally unstable roommate seems to stand out…

Sophomore Year aka The Reign of Hillman Library: I used to find solace in Aldred Reading Room on the Ground floor. There were decent couches, I could smuggle in food, and it was veritably deserted on Fridays .Cough...I know this only because I came there…after..my uh… wild nights of debauchery. Yeah. Anyway, I thought it was pretty nice….apparently, so did every goddamn person I had ever met…ever. After a few weeks of studying in Hillman, rooted to that one solitary location, I realized that I kept running into more of my psycho pre-med classmates than if I’d actually bothered to attend an AED (pre-med honors) meeting. There’s something acutely frightening about having a concentration of that many anal-retentive grade-obsessed piranhas swarming in and descending on the one location that I’d deemed acceptable in that whole god-forsaken library. After a polite smile did nothing to deter people bent on destroying my already minimal concentration, I had no choice but to regretfully leave and disappear into the inky night…

Junior Year:  Starbucks. Corporate. Evil… but damned if they don’t have the most comfortable couches, not to mention a roaring fireplace. On the other hand…it showcases some of the most god-awful music known to mankind including their “Christmas Favorites,” which I swear are on rotation ALL YEAR ROUND. God help you if your CD player dies, as the minions that work the joint show a flagrant disregard for all accepted standards for listenable music. Sometimes I look around as the jarring strains of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” comes on, and watch the behavior of the patrons in baffled shock. “Are you actually TAPPING your goddamn foot to this song?! SNAP OUT OF IT!” Whew. I had to make the sacrifice, give up my vaunted seat in front of the fire, and get the hell out of there.

Senior Year: This year, I frequented Kiva Han, …which is essentially the antithesis of Starbucks. I was cool with the owner who bestowed upon me the dubious honor of the “most studious person he’s ever seen,” the couch was freaking awesome, and the ambient music wasn’t half bad either (not that I could hear it over “Gasolina” hehehe…ahem.) But it is with deep regret that I note that this quaint café is slipping in several crucial areas; 1) The coffee (most notably the Mocha Freezer) is starting to taste like ass. I can’t for the life of me figure out why. 2) The owner has turned the upstairs into an INFERNO. Five minutes on the couch should pretty much guarantee heat stroke. 3) Creepy Kiva Han Guy of the Ambiguous Sexuality has taken to following me around and spouting charming lines like “Wow, I like that shirt on you…the buttons are so shiny. I have one just like it!”, or “Why aren’t you wearing your Che necklace? Do you take it off when you shower?”, and my favorite “I was going to go to that club…for that event…for um…Asians or something. You like those things don’t you? You’d go right?” My measured response that I couldn’t go, as I was UNDERAGE, seemed to have no effect.



Given that in my current state, I’m not feeling terribly charitable towards humanity, I figured it might be best to study at home, with my extensive collection of non-crappy music and arsenal of medication.

This week needs to be over. Muy pronto.

Quote of the Day (an old favorite!):

Lois: “So how was your day?”

Brian: “My day? Un-freakin' believable. First we nailed
this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his
daughter's doll--HER DOLL for God's sake! Where's the
line anymore? Well, I got news for ya, it's not even
on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue
are gone, honey, BAM, freakin' evaporated like a dingy
stinkin' mud puddle. One day you see your reflection
in it and the next day it's a, it's a damn oil spot on
your cracked driveway, staring back at you, mocking
you, knowing the perverted truths that rot in the pit
of your soul. That's how my freakin' day was!”
[pause]

---Family Guy