I want to strangle the Bio department...

What was I doing this morning at the unholy hour of 6 am? Sleeping? HA!
No... I was getting ready in my dark(no lights work on the 2nd floor) broke-down apartment to brave that oh-so-special arctic Pittsburgh weather and register for my bio advising appointment. This dept. has a long history of screwing with me, so naturally I planned this early morning sneak attack to ensure the registration process be a painless get-in/get-out kinda deal (insert mocking laughter)....lies!

A lesson: It doesn't matter how freaking early you THINK you're getting up...there's always gonna be that one (or three) person/people that set their alarm for 3:30 am in a deliberate attempt to lock up every goddamn upper division class that doesn't completely SUCK. ...they shall only be called Bio Psychos.

But I should preface this story with why my slacker behavior was momentarily sidelined by a burning drive to beat the aforementioned psychos (in LINE...jeez..i'm not that violent.) This week, a random visit to my advisor who shall remain nameless, (look her up...she'll be under "DEVIL"...god I hope she isn't reading this) revealed the following:

1. Certain courses that I thought counted towards my major....actually don't mean jack shit in the grand scheme things.... and I find this out too late due to massive miscommunication with the advisor. Example: Costa Rica lab course, where the term "field component" was dissected within an inch of its' life. Bottom line: I was tooling around "Plant Biotech" this summer analyzing trangenic corn for no fucking reason at all. Excellent. Well...atleast I got to discuss the finer points of the FARC with my Columbian prof. Calderone... no...no I'm still pissed.

2. Next semester aka my last semester (god willing) I will be stuck with a suicidal courseload if I want to graduate with my B.S. in B.S.:

• Biochemistry aka. The Class that Sucks Worse than OChem but by the Time you Take it You're Already too Jaded to Care.
• Animal Physiology : Human phys, vert. morph.... why not just round out my undergraduate career with more irrelevant anatomy vocab lodged in my already shot memory?
• Genetics: I HATE this subject.... Needless to say, the Pass/Fail option that I've been saving up for 3 years will be spent barely scraping by in this semester long suck-fest.
• Animal Physiology Lab: ... the pain involved should be implicit in its title.
• Microbiology Lab: That's right.... lab numero dos.
• Bio Writing: Where my love of writing will be swiftly destroyed by having to pen thesis papers about dead otters, mutant salmon, and corn ....(GOD why are 9 out of 10 bio research projects about CORN! ...wait I know this...nevermind.)

Que mas? ...I'm using my remaining 6 credits for:

• Spanish: I love this class...and its 5 credits are the only salvation for my plummeting QPA.
• Phys. Ed: It would be incredibly hilarious to add something like "Body Sculpting" or "Step it up!" to the litany of shit bio courses I'm going to be taking.... That's right, 1 credit worth of sweaty work out sessions to bad techno..YES!

Anyway, back to the story.

The set up: 6:05 am... outside Langley, freezing my tail off but soothed by the fact that I'll be the first in line given that I'm a full 85 minutes early for the beginning of registration. HAHAHAHAHA! Oh ..wow, what WORLD do I live in where BIO majors aren't totally INSANE?! I walk up the stairs towards the entrance only to be virtually shoved into the bushes by another young hopeful (probably trying to steal my spot in lab...bastard)... He dives into the elevator, while I square my shoulders and sprint up two flights of stairs. A quick glance at my watch reveals the time is.... 6:06 am. I arrive a second earlier than my rude peer, scanning for the door of my advisor, where I plan to camp out with my Population Bio notes. Well I didn't have any problem finding it because there was already a line of 8 people! I reiterate...this was a mere 8 minutes after the bloody BUILDING opened. Unreal. Every two minutes, another 10 people showed up in their Registration getup (I see this every semester: sweatpants, sweatshirt, some fat textbook in preparation for an exam for an upper division course, and the same "What the..fuck? I thought I was EARLY!" look as they helplessly take their place at the end of the line which is now well into the Baltic Sea.

At 7:10... the line is so enormous it's almost comical. The advisor, finding some humanity in her soul at the zero hour, opens her door early allowing me to get an appointment within the next few minutes. As I leave, I hear another bio senior about to join the line mutter disgustedly "I fucking hate bio majors." So do the rest of us.

Quote of the Day:

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I owe you an apology. Obviously I was unclear when I said, "Stay in the MRI room with that patient", it must have sounded like, "Leave and do other things".

--Scrubs