Welcome to Rocky Boot Camp

So I recently saw Rocky VI, and despite the fact that Sly Stallone is ...well.. old, he still kicked ass. And it inspired me, it really did. Enough to do something really crazy. From Jan 1st to Feb.5th I'm going to jump on that New Years resolution bandwagon and do a hard-core, Rocky diet and exercise program...just to prove to myself that I'm not as weak-willed as everyone in my family thinks I am, and ..oh yeah, become buff for my trip! My brother (a raving success story of this extreme, vaguely psycho work out regimen) planned out my exercise/diet plan down to the details. I'm putting it all down here a) so I can remind myself that I actually committed to this and b) perhaps encourage others to try it out. However if you're one of those emaciated freaks with the lightening fast metabolisms, don't try this unless you're a masochist. Just sit back and silently commiserate as the rest of us poor bastards attempt to stave off the effects of our crappy genes (I'd to thank my mom's family for their history of diabetes, cholesterol, and stroke, and dad's family for their high blood pressure, poor vision, and deep-seated indolence).


So watch out Morgan Spurlock, here's my 35-day radical lifestyle change in a nutshell. God speed.

Diet:

• No refined sugar..no exceptions. I know this one is going to drive me insane.
• The only carbs allowed are brown rice, Oatmeal (and not the good kind folks. Think orphanage food.), wheat tortillas, and the multi-grain bread (shudder.)
• 5-6 small meals a day: Oatmeal after the gym, 2 hours later a fruit (orange, apple, or grapes, 2 hours later a sandwich with aforementioned (I should add...I hate sandwiches. I've been permanently turned off after 15 years of my mom's bizarre interpretations of American cuisine, then another fruit (or..OR a fresh round of oatmeal if you're feeling crazy), dinner with lean meat and lentils, followed by a pre-bedtime snack of almonds.
• Needless to say, no fat, no oily stuff, no more than 2-3 grams of sugar in any one serving. Which basically makes Indian food my kryptonite.
• Allowed snacks: Carrots, almonds (i'm not joking. I didn't even know this counted as a snack until recently), and hard-boiled egg whites.
• 4-5 glasses of water a day. No problem.
  

Exercise:
Mon-Sat:

• Head to gym at 8am in the f-ing morning for a 50 minutes sweat-fest on the elliptical. Stretch my noodle arms and legs and rush home to get ready for work at 11am. Return home from franchise slavery at 10pm, a shell of my former self and do crunches and push-ups till my lungs have collapsed (usually 5 sets of 35 with 1 minute rests between sets.)

• Weight Training: 3-4 of 12 reps of free weights targetting triceps and biceps. 20 minutes with punching bag (aka YO MOMMA. sorry couldn't resist). Then tackle that weird, intimidating thigh machine with the cord (perhaps to strangle onself with.)
  

Sun:
Try to purge the memory of the gym from mind and do that Aerobic salsa tape I bought two months ago.


And there you have it folks....I'll update with results when they happen. Oh...and there had BETTER be results, or someone's gonna die.

("Eye of the Tiger" plays) ....