Welcome to Rocky Boot Camp

So I recently saw Rocky VI, and despite the fact that Sly Stallone is ...well.. old, he still kicked ass. And it inspired me, it really did. Enough to do something really crazy. From Jan 1st to Feb.5th I'm going to jump on that New Years resolution bandwagon and do a hard-core, Rocky diet and exercise program...just to prove to myself that I'm not as weak-willed as everyone in my family thinks I am, and ..oh yeah, become buff for my trip! My brother (a raving success story of this extreme, vaguely psycho work out regimen) planned out my exercise/diet plan down to the details. I'm putting it all down here a) so I can remind myself that I actually committed to this and b) perhaps encourage others to try it out. However if you're one of those emaciated freaks with the lightening fast metabolisms, don't try this unless you're a masochist. Just sit back and silently commiserate as the rest of us poor bastards attempt to stave off the effects of our crappy genes (I'd to thank my mom's family for their history of diabetes, cholesterol, and stroke, and dad's family for their high blood pressure, poor vision, and deep-seated indolence).


So watch out Morgan Spurlock, here's my 35-day radical lifestyle change in a nutshell. God speed.

Diet:

• No refined sugar..no exceptions. I know this one is going to drive me insane.
• The only carbs allowed are brown rice, Oatmeal (and not the good kind folks. Think orphanage food.), wheat tortillas, and the multi-grain bread (shudder.)
• 5-6 small meals a day: Oatmeal after the gym, 2 hours later a fruit (orange, apple, or grapes, 2 hours later a sandwich with aforementioned (I should add...I hate sandwiches. I've been permanently turned off after 15 years of my mom's bizarre interpretations of American cuisine, then another fruit (or..OR a fresh round of oatmeal if you're feeling crazy), dinner with lean meat and lentils, followed by a pre-bedtime snack of almonds.
• Needless to say, no fat, no oily stuff, no more than 2-3 grams of sugar in any one serving. Which basically makes Indian food my kryptonite.
• Allowed snacks: Carrots, almonds (i'm not joking. I didn't even know this counted as a snack until recently), and hard-boiled egg whites.
• 4-5 glasses of water a day. No problem.
  

Exercise:
Mon-Sat:

• Head to gym at 8am in the f-ing morning for a 50 minutes sweat-fest on the elliptical. Stretch my noodle arms and legs and rush home to get ready for work at 11am. Return home from franchise slavery at 10pm, a shell of my former self and do crunches and push-ups till my lungs have collapsed (usually 5 sets of 35 with 1 minute rests between sets.)

• Weight Training: 3-4 of 12 reps of free weights targetting triceps and biceps. 20 minutes with punching bag (aka YO MOMMA. sorry couldn't resist). Then tackle that weird, intimidating thigh machine with the cord (perhaps to strangle onself with.)
  

Sun:
Try to purge the memory of the gym from mind and do that Aerobic salsa tape I bought two months ago.


And there you have it folks....I'll update with results when they happen. Oh...and there had BETTER be results, or someone's gonna die.

("Eye of the Tiger" plays) ....

Mild Boredom has now turned into Cabin Fever

Wait for it!...Here comes the usual apology for not maintaining contact with the outside world (or rather the internet world....which is even sadder I suppose)...but really, I think I've figured out why I can't really seem to buckle down and write something. I am incredibly bored at home. I saw this coming a mile away when I graduated back in April, in fact that's probably why I waited till practically the last day of the lease in my Pittsburgh apt. But it's really just I can't even believe I've spent almost 6 months at home with my parents, alternating my time between two utterly monotonous, soul-draining jobs. The retail oppression of Baskin Robbins in the racist sink hole of Los Gatos and then the full-time slavery with my Google overseers.

Even though I'm leaving for my dream trip through Latin America and law school afterwards, it just doesn't sit well with me....perhaps because my life now seems to bear no semblance whatsoever to my college existence. Though I'm not exactly pining away for the awkward, strained roomate relations, the walking health code violation that was our living room, suicidal courseload, or craptastic rice-a-roni dinners....damnit, it was at very least mine. I have a car at home, great food (well...we did, but now that mom's gone to india..), and don't have to fall asleep to gunshots. Yet, I'm itching to leave. Go figure. The eternal truth is that once you move out, you can never move back in without feeling like you've suddenly become a giant loser. I'd like to think I was a productive, busy, engaged person in college. Sadly, my parents have yet to see that side of me...and when I move back home, I am part workaholic, and in my spare time I kind of just stagger to the couch and fall asleep. Yep, that's a picture I should send law schools; here's your innovative, brilliant go-getter!

Anyway, here's a running list of the dizzying highs and lows of life in Cupertino over the past five months (really just a selfish way for me to feel like I haven't just been sitting in a room and killing brain cells...)


1) My mom left last week, after weeks of being over-wrought with all the preparation for her trip to India (you know, buying gifts that will no doubt go unappreciated by the relatives (on both sides...especially my brat cousin with the god-complex.)The immediate effect of her absence was the food situation. Cooking has been left up to me and my brother; 2 people who have been known to live off a diet of pop-tarts and Cheez-It. Luckily we've both outgrown the eat-junkfood-till-you-puke stage and have attempted to make responsible grocery options....like chicken that no one really has any idea how to cook or whole-grain bread that doensn't go well with Grey Poupon and baby carrots. I'm forced to say that, as of Day 6 ...we are STARVING. Some drastic action needs to be taken obviously, becauseI am not eating f-ing Grey Poupon and english muffins for the next 2 months!

2) I've cheated death several times in the past week while driving in my slightly used Toyota Corrola. I should also mention how I've only had the car...ONE week, and already I've had near misses with oncoming traffic, gotten a flat tire, had the side panel practically fall off, etc. etc. But how liberating it is to get to put MY music in cd player and look back lovingly at my assortment of sweatshirts and water bottles littering the backseat. I'll admit it...I'm getting kind of attached.

3) A brief note about Google: I quit last friday and said goodbye to a very eclectic group of friends. Basically from day one I was adopted by the El Salvadorean clique (yes...even Google has cliques hilariously), picking up random slang in Espanol and taking part in their daily potlucks. I also made my first Compassionate Conservative friend...that's right, a Bush worshipper. I didn't think it possible, but when I forced myself to put aside her warped political outlook, we got along rather well. That disturbed me. As for my actual job, well...I'd have to be fucking crazy to miss that. Although I promised myself that if I ever lose my mind and have kids, I'll start every lecture out with "You'll only know the value of money when you have to start scanning at 5am, 9 hours a day in a dark windowless basement!" And I wouldn't be lying either.
But on a real tip, I did learn several life lessons at google. When I worked there, I was part of that elite scanning core. Sure I was probably replaced instantly but dammit I made a difference. I scanned books. And they sometimes appeared online... and I probably can't say anymore without having my pants sued off. I learned that swearing in spanish makes t scanning slightly more bearable, being deathly sick is still not a good excuse to miss work, and smuggling several bottles of corporate water into a tiny purse is tricky. What? Everyone else was doing it!

4) I did the long overdue roadtrip to Vegas with my family... proudly armed with ID.....and emerged 30 bucks richer. Even though we spent most of the trip on the cursed I-15 LA highway, it was still cool to get out of Cupertino for awhile. Unfortunately, I was unable to get my mom accidentally drunk off a margarita... oh well, I still have my memories.


5) I've got less than 2 months before I start my trip...and I'm equal parts excited and freaked out. There are still millions of details to iron out; where I'm staying, where I'm going, which street act will bring in the most dinero. But it's not really sunk in yet...I'm just utterly shocked that I even got permission to traipse around Central and South America alone for almost 5 months. This is a far cry from my freshman year of college when I was afraid to tell my parents I skipped a meeting of the pre-med club. Well... we all know how that worked out.

6) Law schools update: After an agonizing 4 weeks of editing my personal statement within an inch of its life (thank you to all who helped...gold stars all around!), paying the insanely expensive application fees, faxing certification forms back and forth to mi alma mater Pitt....it's all done. I just get to sit at home..and wait. Fun huh? I'm doing my part by stifling the urge to stalk the admissions committees until I basically wear down their defenses...I mean, I have my dignity...I will wait with pride for their decisions! ...Okay, screw that. I'm calling tomorrow.

Quote from my favorite movie of the year:

Borat: "What's up with it Vanilla face? Me and my Homie Azamat just parked our slab outside, we're looking for somewhere to post up our black asses for the night. So, uh, Bang Bang, Skeet Skeet nigga. Just a couple of pimps, no hoes."
---Borat