Three Idiots Walk into a Train Station....
the start of a terrible joke? Or the first instance I actually call someone "Limp Dick" in public?
The latter I'm afraid. I'm back from my blog hiatus to add to my growing file of public imbecility...
I'm on my way to the gym and waiting for the Orange Line train at Green St, paging distractedly through a copy of the Dig ( a weekly in Boston with exactly two interesting sections). All of a sudden, three guys dressed in corporate attire sit down on the bench next to me.
Now my olfactory senses aren't the sharpest but I know alcohol when I smell it. I didn't have to puzzle very long, because the guy sitting immediately next to me leaned in close with a flask and asked me if I wanted some. I politely declined and tried to surreptitiously scoot away.
"Why not?" slurred the guy, the silver flask nearly tipping over in his hand.
I don't know ...it's 4pm? You're a stranger in a train station? My fear of back splash? Pick one.
The Corporate Tool (CT) then asked if there were any jokes in my paper. After I said no again, he seemed irritated. He took another long swig of his flask and blearily glared at me.
"You want to hear a joke?" CT demanded.
"Not really...."
"So you hear the one about anal sex?" CT asked, already beginning to laugh. His moron friends joined in. My ears started burning...I was mad. I was really fucking mad.
See, it's one thing to indulge drunks, but there was something about this whole situation that felt more like an attack. This douche and his friends chose to sit next to me and then proceed to initiate a conversation for the sole purpose of making me uncomfortable... their primitive form of entertainment. They are three guys with massive entitlement issues and I'm a girl sitting alone, so...open season right?
"What the hell makes you think I want to hear your joke?" I snapped. I'm hardly the confrontational type so I was mildly surprised at my own outburst.
The two friends stirred uneasily next to CT and laughed uncomfortably. CT was not to be outdone and sneered at me. "Maybe when you grow up a little, you'll learn what's funny..."
I pointedly ignored him as he proceeds to tell his friends how "hostile" I'm being. Then in that same drunken sing-song voice he says, "I gotta give this girl props though. Most girls would've moved away, but she's standing her ground. Hanging onto her territory."
Moe and Curly laugh raucously at this. Comedy is dead in Jamaica Plain. Finally...FINALLY the train comes. CT is now done with his flask and surveying me with a disgusting grin. "Well, I hope you learn your place and don't sit next to me on the train huh?"
My passive Gandhi genes were now in full regression and I unconsciously balled my fists. "Why? Are you going to jack me up, limp dick?" I yelled. I then walked to the train as CT stared down.
I sat down hard in the orange train seat, steaming. It was only after a few moments that I realized that Early Man and his friends had entered the next car. HA.
This kind of thing was pretty much a regular occurrence in Pittsburgh but since my time in Boston, they've been pretty rare.I'm not sure if I overreacted but in any case, I feel like I "won" this against patriarchy. I think the scene would have played out differently if I wasn't a woman...maybe even if I wasn't a minority. It was the "know your place" comment that really made me want to break his jaw.
...anyway, good fuel for the gym huh?
Quote of the day:
Party Guy 1: Hey. Partying hard, or hardly partying?
Daria: Hardly interested.
Party Guy 2: So... where you girls been all our lives?
Daria: Waiting here for you. We were born in this room, we grew up in this room and we thought we would die here, alone. But now you've arrived and our lives can truly begin.
Party Guy 2: [nudging his friend] She likes you!
-Daria
The latter I'm afraid. I'm back from my blog hiatus to add to my growing file of public imbecility...
I'm on my way to the gym and waiting for the Orange Line train at Green St, paging distractedly through a copy of the Dig ( a weekly in Boston with exactly two interesting sections). All of a sudden, three guys dressed in corporate attire sit down on the bench next to me.
Now my olfactory senses aren't the sharpest but I know alcohol when I smell it. I didn't have to puzzle very long, because the guy sitting immediately next to me leaned in close with a flask and asked me if I wanted some. I politely declined and tried to surreptitiously scoot away.
"Why not?" slurred the guy, the silver flask nearly tipping over in his hand.
I don't know ...it's 4pm? You're a stranger in a train station? My fear of back splash? Pick one.
The Corporate Tool (CT) then asked if there were any jokes in my paper. After I said no again, he seemed irritated. He took another long swig of his flask and blearily glared at me.
"You want to hear a joke?" CT demanded.
"Not really...."
"So you hear the one about anal sex?" CT asked, already beginning to laugh. His moron friends joined in. My ears started burning...I was mad. I was really fucking mad.
See, it's one thing to indulge drunks, but there was something about this whole situation that felt more like an attack. This douche and his friends chose to sit next to me and then proceed to initiate a conversation for the sole purpose of making me uncomfortable... their primitive form of entertainment. They are three guys with massive entitlement issues and I'm a girl sitting alone, so...open season right?
"What the hell makes you think I want to hear your joke?" I snapped. I'm hardly the confrontational type so I was mildly surprised at my own outburst.
The two friends stirred uneasily next to CT and laughed uncomfortably. CT was not to be outdone and sneered at me. "Maybe when you grow up a little, you'll learn what's funny..."
I pointedly ignored him as he proceeds to tell his friends how "hostile" I'm being. Then in that same drunken sing-song voice he says, "I gotta give this girl props though. Most girls would've moved away, but she's standing her ground. Hanging onto her territory."
Moe and Curly laugh raucously at this. Comedy is dead in Jamaica Plain. Finally...FINALLY the train comes. CT is now done with his flask and surveying me with a disgusting grin. "Well, I hope you learn your place and don't sit next to me on the train huh?"
My passive Gandhi genes were now in full regression and I unconsciously balled my fists. "Why? Are you going to jack me up, limp dick?" I yelled. I then walked to the train as CT stared down.
I sat down hard in the orange train seat, steaming. It was only after a few moments that I realized that Early Man and his friends had entered the next car. HA.
This kind of thing was pretty much a regular occurrence in Pittsburgh but since my time in Boston, they've been pretty rare.I'm not sure if I overreacted but in any case, I feel like I "won" this against patriarchy. I think the scene would have played out differently if I wasn't a woman...maybe even if I wasn't a minority. It was the "know your place" comment that really made me want to break his jaw.
...anyway, good fuel for the gym huh?
Quote of the day:
Party Guy 1: Hey. Partying hard, or hardly partying?
Daria: Hardly interested.
Party Guy 2: So... where you girls been all our lives?
Daria: Waiting here for you. We were born in this room, we grew up in this room and we thought we would die here, alone. But now you've arrived and our lives can truly begin.
Party Guy 2: [nudging his friend] She likes you!
-Daria
