Immigrant Burden Rant
This week sucks....nay, the year is going to suck. How do I know that? Well, call it a lucky guess..or...OR just blame it on my excellent luck. I have to take Calculus. Yeah, I've come to terms with that, but why do they have to make me go through some insane loophole in order to do it this summer. If they're trying to make me miserable, then I can guarantee them that I'm already there; O.Chem is once again kicking my ass because Prof Wipf, although superior to my old nazi prof Schafmeister (but honestly, how hard is that?), is still rumored to have a sadistic streak in him. As evinced by the "pop quiz" he threw us today in class. Actually "pop quiz" is somewhat of a misnomer, because no fricking quiz I've heard is 100 points! I was so tired last night, that I confused Markovnikov and ANTI Markovnikov rules, and am fully expecting like, a 2 on the quiz. It's not even that I'm bad at O.Chem......it's that I'm cursed. Sure, other people can say that jokingly, but this week has convinced me that I have my very own personal rain cloud of death and destruction that is making VERY sure, that I don't have any fun for the rest of my natural life. Hell, if someone had told me this was worse than my high school days I would've laughed in their face. Now I look forward to a hellish week of finals (including O.chem shudder), a grizzly plane ride home, four months of Calculus (need I say more), working in my parents' store serving snooty racist customers (always a plus), and topping of the summer with cramming for MCATS and O.chem 2 in what little free time I have.
Does this sounds like a relaxing summer to ANYONE?! Good, because if it does, I'd recommend a therapist! Now, I'm currently debating on whether I'm prepared to even LOOK at my O.Chem book, in light of this morning's disastrous quiz. Or I could delve into the Exciting World of Statistics.......DAMN THIS WORLD. Why oh WHY couldn't I be some bullshit Children's Fairytales major? I could be living it up in college, laughing my ass off at everyone else and "studying" abroad whenever I felt like life was too rough and I wanted to find my soul. PSHHHH......but no, Being Indian, I like the rest of my college age brethren are pre-med.......pre-med FOREVER, with no forseeable end to the string of boring science classes.
My parents, of course impede any second thoughts I might have about my career, by starting and finishing every sentence with "It'll all pay off," and "We worked so hard to come to this country," or my favorite, "Your cousin did all this AND worked and volunteered AND saved ten children from a burning building." So I just keep all my soul-searching to myself. Unlike others who can actually talk to their parents without judgment and consequences, I have to screen my words, my thoughts, and personality so it can fit into the role my parents want me to play. Being the child of an immigrant gives you an obligation to pay your parents back by selling your soul to the medical profession, which is in my opinion, truly thankless. I'm conflicted. I can't say I definitively don't ever wanna be a doctor or that I definitely want to do SOMETHing else (whatever that may be.) I just hate where I am in life right now. End of my sophomore year, and feeling so much older than 18., and the answer to most of my life issues is a resolute "I DON"T FREAKING KNOW!" And right now, everyone, including my sanctimonious relatives can put that in their pipe and smoke it.
Does this sounds like a relaxing summer to ANYONE?! Good, because if it does, I'd recommend a therapist! Now, I'm currently debating on whether I'm prepared to even LOOK at my O.Chem book, in light of this morning's disastrous quiz. Or I could delve into the Exciting World of Statistics.......DAMN THIS WORLD. Why oh WHY couldn't I be some bullshit Children's Fairytales major? I could be living it up in college, laughing my ass off at everyone else and "studying" abroad whenever I felt like life was too rough and I wanted to find my soul. PSHHHH......but no, Being Indian, I like the rest of my college age brethren are pre-med.......pre-med FOREVER, with no forseeable end to the string of boring science classes.
My parents, of course impede any second thoughts I might have about my career, by starting and finishing every sentence with "It'll all pay off," and "We worked so hard to come to this country," or my favorite, "Your cousin did all this AND worked and volunteered AND saved ten children from a burning building." So I just keep all my soul-searching to myself. Unlike others who can actually talk to their parents without judgment and consequences, I have to screen my words, my thoughts, and personality so it can fit into the role my parents want me to play. Being the child of an immigrant gives you an obligation to pay your parents back by selling your soul to the medical profession, which is in my opinion, truly thankless. I'm conflicted. I can't say I definitively don't ever wanna be a doctor or that I definitely want to do SOMETHing else (whatever that may be.) I just hate where I am in life right now. End of my sophomore year, and feeling so much older than 18., and the answer to most of my life issues is a resolute "I DON"T FREAKING KNOW!" And right now, everyone, including my sanctimonious relatives can put that in their pipe and smoke it.
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